One of the best benefits of being an expat is the friendships you strike up along your journey overseas. I have loved these girlfriends like sisters! They’re independent, adventurous, and full of experiences to share. I’d love for you to meet my inspiring friend, Katelyn Hunt. Katelyn, her hubby, and their three adorable little ones have just recently completed a work assignment in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates. They have now relocated to America’s gorgeous Pacific Northwest. She is sharing her experience of re-patriating back to the US after being away for 5 years.
What do you miss most about living overseas?
Plane rides to Asia and Europe were affordable and relatively short. I miss the travel to new and exciting places. I miss the access to the rest of the world in a very real way, the lack of homogeny. People who don’t look and think and feel like I do. Our neighbors were Irish, Australian, Egyptian, Indian, Lebanese, Afghani and Indonesian. My children went to school with a dozen other nationalities and languages spoken in the classroom. That exposure to the ‘different’ and to the ‘unordinary’ is what I miss most.
Do you think you ever feel “ready” to end your expat experience?
Katelyn: I don’t know that I ever would have. I hear of some that are, but I certainly wasn’t. The expat experience really defines you in a way. It opens your heart and your mind in a way that I’m not sure anything else could. You look at the world a bit differently, you become a part of wonderful relationships and slowly, but surely, being an expat starts to become a part of your identity. Once you return back to your home country that identity starts to disappear a bit as very few people can identify. I acknowledge that opportunity is what took us overseas, and opportunity is what brought us back. And I remain infinitely grateful for both. But I could have remained an expat very happily for several more years.
What was the hardest part about repatriating?
For me it has been trying to find your footing in a land that should feel like home, but doesn’t. Feeling like you should belong, but having a hard time fitting in. Finding meaningful relationships with people that appreciate you and your experience, but can’t identify and really, after a short 60 seconds of questioning, don’t care too. There are exceptions to this for sure, but I feel like I have to ‘let go’ a bit of my expat identity, to identify with men and women here in the States. Also, as an American, the United States is a different place than when we left 5 years ago. The political environment is so divisive and toxic. There’s a lack of decency in the way people interact and treat each other. As an expat, I think you idealize your home nation quite a bit. Often times unfairly. Remembering and praising it for it’s strengths and goodness, it’s familiarities that you miss while away. Returning to a different environment than you left is a bit unnerving.
What advice would you give to families considering an expat assignment?
I would encourage them whole heartedly, but not without first doing their due diligence. Jump in with both feet AFTER you have researched the company you’re headed off to work for, especially, if it’s not an established Western-owned company, after you’ve looked into educational and recreational opportunities for your children than you’re comfortable with, after you’ve looked at housing options and especially after you’ve talked with people that are currently or who have lived there. Ask them what they loved and what they didn’t. What the culture is like, what are the difficulties, what are their favorites. It’s a remarkable experience and I would encourage anyone to take advantage of it should an opportunity come their way. But be thoughtful and prayerful and make sure it’s the right fit for your family. It may not be for some.
For your children, what was the best part of the expat experience?
Katelyn: I think for my children, the best part was being young enough to not even realize they were expats. They were absorbing ideas, people, religions, culture dress, and customs like it was the norm. Nothing was weird. It just was. They accepted people very much for the way they were. They also went to school with other children from all over the world. They spoke differently and looked differently than they did, but enjoyed and played with them just the same. I hope, hope, hope that this outlook regarding different ideas, different ways of life remains as simple to them the rest of their lives as it does now. Because, it is. It’s simple. We’re all a great deal more alike than we are different.
What do you think was the hardest part of being overseas for your children?
Katelyn: The dramatic change was very difficult for Tessa when we first landed in the Middle East. The different surroundings, school, friends as much as her father’s demanding work schedule that took him away for days at a time, every week. It was a lot for a small 4 year old to process. We noticed the same difficulty and behavior upon returning to the States with Bode. It’s a lot of change for a young brain and heart.
Are you continuing to keep some part of your overseas experience alive now in your home country? How are you keeping those memories alive?
Study of the Arabic language was a required part of the kids curriculum in both Saudi and Dubai. Tessa had 4 years of Arabic, Bode, 2. I did not want them to lose it! They currently meet with an Arabic tutor once a week to continue their studies. Even little Whitt wanders over every once in awhile to practice his counting. I LOVE hearing the language in our home. And love having Izedhar here too.
We also have a large gallery wall in our home. Every frame holding a different photo of someone in our family in a different country we’ve visited. It’s a lovely reminder of the small parts of this big world we’ve been lucky enough to see.
We make an effort to stay in touch with friends through messaging and social media. And email and message our Oning often, talking to her on the phone or computer from time to time. She was a big part of our family both in Saudi and Dubai. We all miss her a great deal.
And lastly, we talk of it often. How experiences we went through there, relate to experiences here. How lessons we learned there, can be applied here.
Would you do anything differently if you could live your expat experience over again?
Katelyn: I would make a greater effort to learn Arabic. In Saudi and Dubai, English is very widely spoken, making the need to learn the local language really obsolete. But I always wished I could engage more there with the locals in Arabic than I had the ability to do. And when I see Arabs here, I wish I could engage them.
Does your current residence now feel like “home”? Do you love being settled in your home country again, or is it difficult to settle in one place?
Katelyn: Our home is starting to feel like home. It has been a LONG few months. We were in temporary housing for 3 months while we looked for a house and that is always difficult, because temp housing never feels like ‘home’. And then we bought a house that needed renovations and decided to move in while it was being renovated. This too was difficult as there were always extra people in our house, dust and disruption. It was only just before Christmas that we were able to ‘move in’ completely. I’m hopeful as we continue to get things hung on walls and we settle in, it will feel more and more like home.
I’m still warming to being in America again. Although, I do love Costco, and Target! And I do sort of get a level of anxiety when I consider being in any one place for longer than 5 years. Wade and I have never lived anywhere together for more than 4 years. I worry that I’ll start to get antsy for a change after any period longer than that.
What is your children’s perspective? Do they consider themselves from Washington, Saudi, Dubai? How are they adjusting?
Katelyn: Tessa considers herself from California (place of her birth), Bode says he’s from Dubai. They like being in America because it snows, but really miss their friends and camping in the dunes in Dubai. There was definitely an adjustment period as they navigated a new school, new friendships, new activities that was hard and not without tears. From all of us. Whitt really has missed his Oning, he asks for her often and asks where she is. But they have adapted pretty quickly. Resilient little buggers!
If the chance came again, would you accept another assignment overseas?
Katelyn: For me, yes! In a heartbeat! After I had gone through all those parameters discussed above. But for Wade, it would be a harder decision. For him, it’s very much about the job. If the job made sense, if it was an asset to his career, if it was a financial gain, then yes. If the overseas assignment did not meet those criteria, he would be a harder sell.
Any favorite memories you want to share?
Katelyn: Cliche as it sounds. There are SO many, it’s tough to pin down a favorite. But here are some top:
- Our first trip to Musandam, Oman. We had arrived in the Emirates just 30 days prior and had to exit for a Visa run. We got on a dhow boat and sailed out into the Arabian Sea with dolphins leaping out of the water on both sides and Iran across the straight, our children leaned over the sides of the boat with sea and dolphins splashing them in the face. Wade and I looked at each other and thought, “Wow, who would have thought? What a gift.”
- Wandering by happenstance into a little schoolroom in Sri Lanka. Sitting down at tiny little desks and interacting with gesture, as language couldn’t be a vehicle of communication. The children showed us their books and simple toys and pencils and were so proud. As were the teachers. It was a magical little moment.
- Wade has many memories driving around the crazy streets of Riyadh with Halal in the front seat as they spoke and laughed in Saudi-English. He loves that guy like a brother. And he’ll never forget the day he saw the surgeons doing ablution in an OR sink in Jizan, Saudi Arabia.
- The invitation I received getting out of Iqbal’s car (my driver in Saudi) from my neighbor across the street for my children and myself, to join Mama Lulu and her daughters and grandchildren for dinner on Thursday night. The big meal they always eat together before Friday worship. Sitting in the ladies family room, dancing to Arabic music, eating dates and drinking tea will be a memory I’ll never forget. And then following them into the dining room where her sons joined us. There were carpets laid out on the floor, huge bowls of chicken kabsa, stuffed eggplant, pitas and hummus. Sitting on the floor, eating with our hands, in the middle of a big, happy, Saudi family, on a little residential street in Riyadh, was a once in a lifetime.
How do you keep your family grounded and unified when there is so much change and transition happening?
Katelyn: A place to call home. Family dinners around the table. Engaging in family prayer. And a little something we call ‘Forced Family Fun’. This includes outings as a whole family, that everyone can participate in. Family hikes, ski days, and exploring our new locale or movie and game nights at home. As long as the children feel like family is safe, and solid, and home, a happy, fun place to be, we’ll be ok no matter where we are in this big, beautiful world.
